Those Who Save Us

One thing I have learned while going through the cycles of PMDD is that there are things and people that save me. If I let them. Sometimes it is as simple as casting on and starting a new knitted project or telling Linc I need to get out and roaming the isles of the used book store alone and without a real purpose. It can be keeping a phone date with a friend instead of rescheduling, or volunteering to do more than my normal amount at the school. It can be a spouse that listens to and validates the hormonally driven thoughts that pour out, or saying yes to the new buckets that you know are going to have to be taken to the sandbox that afternoon.

It's hard not to wrestle the thoughts in my head, going around in circles. It's when I come back to the same place for the third or fourth time that I realize I need to do something outside myself. When I need saving. I close myself off because I don't want to deal with anything or anyone, but it's a trap that leaves me only dealing with myself and makes it that much harder to come back from. Last month and right now I am really trying to see the signs and go down a different path. I feel far better than I have this cycle, but not 100%. I have a follow-up visit in early April and I am sure there is tweaking and such in store over the next few months.

Today I could feel myself sinking and knew that if I would just say the magic words, Kaylee would save me. So I didn't over think or put it off,

"Hey Kaylee, want to make an outside plan for us?"

It was spoken and she was up and grabbing a blanket and the picnic basket, talking a mile a minute. A picnic at the park, laying in the sun, running in the grass, exploring and checking out the bridges of the walking path around here. This super hero girl of mine saved me.

I sometimes wonder if it is fair, or healthy. I know if I ask for their help in so many words that I can't not do what they plan...I can't just lay on the couch and throw on some movies. I can't make excuses. Being accountable to them makes me the mom I want to be.

I hope it is a win/win situation. As they get older, maybe even if they have kids of their own, I hope that when they reflect back to these years that they see the good, not that some days it was a real struggle to be the kind of mom that I knew they needed.